Emoji Poop
by Terreri
Summary: Gene must CHOOOSE between Jailbreak and Poop, both of whom he develops romantic feelings towards. Dedicated to ANAKIN COOK.
1. Immediate Aftermath

_I just wanna feel this moment.._

Gene finishes the Emoji Pop with his friends in the former Favorites Lounge. Only Gene could do it properly, so all of the other emojis were out of luck. Even though Gene's father _could_ do it due to the fact that he has the same malfunction as Gene, he chooses not to. Quite regularly, actually.

"Wow, that dance was really awful, Gene," Jailbreak commented.

"Even more horrid than me," the Horrid Henry emoji added.

"It was the worst thing I've ever danced to," cackled the worm emoji.

"Shut up, _worm_," the Horrid Henry emoji cawed.

_"Don't be horrid, Henry!"_ called everyone in the room. Gene and Jailbreak then shared a passionate smooch, almost as passionate as when ratface smooch don.

"Your lips taste like cardboard," Gene said lovingly.

"Yours taste like.." Jailbreak started, but then paused to think of what his lips tasted like.

"Gasoline? Emphasis on the gas?" Gene chimed in.

"Yeah. I wanted to say it because it was my idea. You know, women are always coming up with stuff that men are taking credit for." Jailbreak stated, mildly annoyed. Just after she finished her sentence, the text alarm sounded. "Everybody, to their cubes! This is not a butt dial!"

"_Not_ a butt dial? Dammit!" Everyone said in perfect harmony with each other.

"It's been so long since a decent butt dial," an annoyed emoji said while walking to his cube. Everybody takes their weird elevator things into their cubes. When Gene entered his, everyone started clapping and cheering. _Why is everyone clapping for me? I pretty much just took the job away from all the face emojis, because now I can do all their jobs for them. Why are they thanking me, shouldn't they me super mad at me?_

"Alex looks to be texting Addie McCalister." Jailbreak commentated. The giant mechanical scanner sweeps around the room before settling on the poop emoji, creatively named Poop. The machine scans Poop and sends him up to Alex's text box. The machine then scanned him again. And again. And again. Eventually, the machine had scanned the poop emoji a full 18 times before the text was sent. Poop was congratulated for being scanned 18 times in a row, Textopolis's new record. _Wow, the poop emoji sure does look hot when he's multiplied 18 times.. _Alex receives a reply from Addie, and he readies a reply. He sends her the elephant emoji next to the wind emoji again.

"Didn't he text this same thing not too long ago?" Jailbreak queried.

"Yes he did, _I_ remember," the elephant emoji answered.

The text is sent to Addie, and they initiate a sex RP where they go back to a hotel in the United Arab Emirates and fart a bunch, so much so the SWAT team breaks down the door to see who's been polluting the precious Middle Eastern air. The poop emoji and the wind emoji were used many, many times. The pair go into the background and Alex roleplays as a character only known as _Mr. Toilet_, and Addie takes a massive poop emoji on his little dead face. The toilet emoji was promoted to a Favorite because of this one texting session. All the while, Gene was falling in love with Poop's appearance. His color, his aroma, his bowtie. His skin was slicker than Oma's opponent in Monopoly and Parcheesi. Gene thought back to all his interactions with Poop ever since he messed everything up.

_When everyone was leaving the conference hall, Poop and Steven came out as a pair, together. He could have easily asked Steven to tell him the verdict Smiler had given him, but he decided to ask Poop, not because he thought he would know more, but because he felt compelled to. Poop told him he knew it was just an accident. While Gene was admiring Poop's excremental form, Smiler interrupted him from behind and invited him for a "teensy weensy chat". He entered the conference hall slowly, partly because he was scared of what Smiler would say and do, and partly because he didn't want to be separated from Poop's beautiful scent._

_Poop later defended Gene when Smiler wanted to have him deleted in front of everyone, saying she might be making too much stink out of all this. Gene was happy to hear Poop's voice, but he thought that there would never be enough of Poop's stink out of all this._

_And then to Gene's favorite interaction. He was just in the Taco Bell bathroom taking a big ass dumparoo, firing away at the turdlet._

_"Oh my, that was a big ass dumparoo." Suddenly, Poop entered the bathroom and busted down the stall door that Gene was in with his mobile battering ram._

_"You rang?"_

_"That's something Lurch always said on The Addams Family." Gene noticed._

_"I know, I'm a huge fan of Zdeno Chára. Hey, what's that all over the ground?"_

_"Oh I think I missed the bowl. That or the bowl overflowed. It was just an accident!" Gene defended. Poop smiled._

_"I know it was an accident, we all have accidents." Poop then left the B R._

Alex and Addie had finished their sex roleplay, with it ending with them both in prison for air pollution.

_I think.. I'm in love._


	2. Groceries

The day was done, and everyone left the texting building with the tinted glass windows that for some reason don't close all the way. The emojis flooded through the streets, which made it harder for Gene to accomplish his goal. His goal being to locate the poop emoji and share some small talk. After about thirty seconds of searching, Gene noticed Poop exit the rightmost doors and frolicked through the street. He stopped in front of the building to tie his shoe, and just as Gene was about to move to confront him, Jailbreak blocked his view of him.

"Geney baby! I've been looking for you. Let's go home together tonight." Jailbreak offered. Gene, although he enjoyed spending quality time with Jailbreak, he wanted to be with Poop at the moment, so he had to think of an excuse, and fast before Jailbreak got suspicious.

"I would, but I have to.. uh.. drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean." Gene winked.

"Really? Thank you, Mr. Gene!" The Cosby kids called out from behind Gene, thankful that somebody was taking them to the pool in the near future. Jailbreak was somewhat suspicious of his answer, given that it was nighttime and the town pool was surely closed, and would never allow young children to use the pool at this hour, supervised or unsupervised, especially if their supervision wasn't even related to them. She was about to flap her gums to question his answer when Hi-Five came up from behind excitedly.

"Jailbreak! The old grandma emoji is crossing the street again! Let's push her down and steal her groceries!"

"Count me in! Have fun with your giant dump!" Jailbreak and Hi-Five both said and ran off towards the lady. Gene then punts the Cosby kids away as if he were kicking a field goal in American football, sending them flying over seventy yards. Gene moves towards Poop slickly and casually. He clears his throat to catch the attention of Poop, who had been tying his shoe for the past two minutes straight.

"I just- uh- wanna congratulation you for your work today in the cube. It was impressive." Gene complimented.

"Just doing my duty!" Poop said confidently in his British accent. The old grandma emoji could be heard all across the plaza, screaming and yelling in terror.

_"Stoooop! Thieeeeeef!"_ Jailbreak and Hi-Five run up to Gene and they all run towards their apartment to avoid the pursuit of the other emojis. Hi-Five was holding the grandma's groceries and Jailbreak was carrying her purse.

"Toodles, Gene." Poop called after him.

_I wonder if he's secretly Mickey Mouse._

* * *

"Let's go through these groceries!" Hi-Five said excitedly when they returned to Gene's apartment in Downtown Browntown, a suburb in Textopolis a few blocks from the texting building.

"Yeah, I wanted to say it because it was my idea. You know, women are always coming up with stuff that men are taking credit for." Jailbreak sifts through the groceries that Hi-Five had dumped onto Gene's counter. Gene watched because he had nothing better to do. In the grocery bags, there were laxatives, Golden Grahams (for making a BABOC), liver flavored treats, Flintstones vitamins, and a big tub of sauce. A giant picture of Poop was superimposed onto the laxative bottle, along with the words, _'Meet me sooner if you take these laxatives!'_ Gene thought, _I hope to meet you sooner._

"I'm gonna go eat this sauce for dinner."

"Just the sauce?" Jailbreak questioned.

"Yes!" Hi-Five confirmed. "Where's my BAB?"

"Your big ass bowl? It's in the dishwasher."

"Thank you!" Hi-Five disappeared into the kitchen, and Gene and Jailbreak say that they love each other and stuff and kiss and bleurghh.

"JAILBREAK!"

"Whaddaya want, _Fingers_?"

"There's a speck on my spoon!" Jailbreak, annoyed, goes to perform a speck check (or Inspecktion™ for short) on the spoonery. "Just eat your sauce with a fork!" Hi-Five could be heard praising her idea as Jailbreak loudly speck checked the silverware for Hi-Five.

_I think I want to be with Poop instead of Jailbreak._


	3. Surprises

Gene, Jailbreak and Hi-Five were huddled around the third story window. Hi-Five was wearing a surgical mask and purple nursing gloves. He was very carefully holding a plastic spoon in his left hand with metal tweezers. The street below had many emojis going about their nights, most of them unaware that Hi-Five lurked above them precariously holding a plastic spoon. He eventually dropped the spoon on the crowd and watched as the pedestrians stepped on it many, many times.

"There! For the time being, I declare this residence _speck free_." Hi-Five happily announced. Gene raised the green flag, signalling that the specks have been banished. Jailbreak was annoyed that Hi-Five made them go through this procedure so often, but he said that the specks are evil and pledged his allegiance to Jane Kangaroo of the Jungle of Nool, whom he referred to as the Banisher of Specks. Jailbreak then looked at the floor to examine the mysterious brown stain on the carpet. When she did, Gene took out a Polaroid of Poop, and compared one against the other. After a few minutes of continuous looking, he mentally declared that Poop was more physically attractive. He put the Polaroid back in his back ass pocket just as the doorbell rang, causing Jailbreak to look up and Hi-Five to come out of the kitchen with his BABOS. Their custom doorbell of _The Poop Song_ sounded for a while before Gene spoke up, which reminded Gene of his love.

"Whomst is at my door?" Without being told to enter, Gene's parents, Mary and Mel Meh, entered the apartment.

"Gene, I thought I told you to change your doorbell." Gene's father spoke in his monotonous voice.

"Actually, _I_ asked him to change the doorbell. You know, women are always coming up with stuff that men are taking credit for."

"Both of you asked me to change it actually, I just didn't listen."

"Gene, you're still a malfunction just like the transmission generators from _The Phantom Menace_."

"Well I guess everyone's fine with it now." Gene retorted.

"Oh right. I'm gonna go hit myself with this frying pan now. Goodbye Gene." Gene's mother said as she stole a frying pan and left with her husband. The sound of a frying pan colliding with an emoji's head could be heard for several seconds as she walked down the hallway and down the stairwell. After thirty seconds of silence, Hi-Five spoke up.

"That was a strange interaction." Hi-Five finishes his bowl of sauce. "Well, I better get back to my cavern." Hi-Five leaves Gene's apartment, thus leaving Gene and Jailbreak all alone with each other in his apartment. Gene puts on his apron and grabs his timber. He sets up his wood shop in his bedroom.

"I'm gonna go saw some wood, Jailbreak."

"Me too."

* * *

_The drinking bone's connected to the party bone..._

Gene awoke to his favorite song on his alarm clock. Gene got off the only mattress he could find that he could bury ones in, if you know what I mean. He scrubbed his chompers, as Oma would say, tinkled in the potty, and went to make his breakfast. He gobbled down some Bran Flakes™ that he found through advertising on Omegle. Gene was a frequenter of Omegle himself, especially on the fart and gas interests. He put a herd on his BABOBF and put his bowl in the sink. He put a special something at the bottom of the staircase for Jailbreak, who he calculated would awake at around this time.

_Bing bang, I saw the whole gang..._

Jailbreak awoke to her favorite song on her alarm. Jailbreak rolled off the mattress and landed on the floor with a loud thump. She stood up and transported herself to the water closet, where she scrubbed her teeth with bleach, dropped her morning poo, and rolled down the stairs. She landed at the bottom face first in a plate of nachos Gene had put at the bottom. The chips were pointy and the plate was**_hot! _**Jailbreak washed her face in the sink, silently swearing revenge on Gene.

"I'm going to a sew-in today, snookems."

"To deal with the conspiracy with the people trying to overthrow the government?"

"Indeed." Jailbreak grabbed her black jumpsuit and put it on. "Seeya later, nerd." With that, she left.

With the free time Gene had, he decided to make a trip to the TCFFAP, or Textopolis Coordinate Furthest From A Potty. He stepped on the train to leave Downtown Browntown, and headed towards the TCFFAP, which had its own train station. The trains that come to this stop were required to have no bathroom to make sure it really is the TCFFAP. While at the last stop before Gene would get off, a certain someone stepped on the train.

"I like trains." The figure said. He yelled it at everyone for the entire 35 minute ride until Gene got off. Gene took a seat on the flaming sandpaper the attraction offered as seating. He stares at the TCFFAP, which was marked on the ground with a giant toilet sticker. Soon after arriving, he hears a voice behind him, addressing him.

"Good day, Gene."

"Oh, hi Poop. Fancy seeing you here at a coordinate like this." Gene replies to the pile of poo standing before him.

"It is, isn't it." Poop sits right next to Gene on the flaming sandpaper.

"You're so soft, Poop."

"Not _too_ soft, I hope." Poop and Gene share the look. They share the look for a good while until a distracting presence approached from behind.

"Mr. Gene!"

"The Cosby kids?"

"Can you take us to the pool now?"

"Oh uh, sure." Gene gets up from the flaming sandpaper. "Well, I'd better drop the Cosby kids off at the pool, if you know what I mean." Gene smiles, turns away and approaches the Cosby kids. After a few moments, Poop's voice could be heard from behind all of them.

"I'll come with."


	4. Requited Love

Poop, having drove to the TCFFAP, hadn't parked far. He had parked in the rear, if you know what I'm saying. Gene, Poop, and the Cosby kids made their way to Poop's station wagon and boarded it when they were there. Poop drove like Miss Sharlene, all over the road like a maniac and sped down 25 mph zones at 52 mph. When they arrived at the pool, the Cosby kids got out and ran into the splash zone. Gene and Poop chose a seat on the benches outside the pools.

"Remember that time we saw each other in the Taco Bell bathroom?"

"Oh, I remember, all right."

"I've never seen such a giant accident."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it."

"Wasn't the only thing I liked."

"W-what else did you like?"

Poop leaned over and gave a surprise kiss to Gene on his cheek, but not his facial ones. Gene gasped in surprise, and Poop gave a wink. The Cosby kids then approached the pair unexpectedly, asking to be taken home.

"You've only been in here for 90 seconds!" Gene pointed out, surprised.

"They kicked us out for bringing our friend Nicky Deuce along too."

Thus, they all climbed back into Poop's station wagon and were dropped off in the middle of Textopolis. The Cosby kids run off in a random direction, and Gene gets out of Poop's car as well. Poop writes down his phone number on an index card and hands it to Gene.

"Just gimme a buzzzzzzz." With that, Poop gets back in his station wagon and heads to central Browntown, where he was supposed to make an appearance soon. Gene navigated through Textopolis and to the texting building with the weird windows, down the main hall, into the former Favorites Club and down the spiral staircase into the Loser Lounge. Hi-Five was going to meet him in the Loser Lounge in about 15 minutes to meet the person who would give them 100% speck free silverware.

Hi-Five was already there, playing Pong with the luggage emoji who stole his leftover Chinese food that one time. The only other person in the Loser Lounge was Donald Baker, who definitely belonged there. Donald Baker once won a game show called _The Biggest Loser_, which ironically is about losing weight, which Baker lost the least of. As a matter of fact, he gained weight over the course of the show, but the producers decided to give him the award anyways, because Donald Baker was indeed the biggest loser.

"Gene!" Hi-Five gets up, allowing the luggage emoji to win the game of Pong.

"Hi-Five! Who's this person we're meeting?" Just then, a figure appeared in the doorway. Their face and hair was covered entirely by a bonnet, hiding their identity. "Are you the one with the 100% speck free silverware?" The figure nodded. Hi-Five was about to hand over the payment when he spotted something on a fork. It was a speck. He jumps and yells dramatically.

_"Is that a SPECK?"_ Hi-Five points at the fork with the speck on it.

"Hi-Five, they _all_ have specks! It's a trap!" The bonnet then fell off the figure, revealing the salesman to be Oma. Hi-Five and Gene run out of the Loser Lounge and up the spiral staircase, leaving Oma and her speck covered instruments behind in the Loser Lounge. They stop in the plaza in front of the texting building, looking on into the city.

"I'm going on a very important mission, Gene. I will see you soon." Hi-Five leaves Gene in the plaza and heads east. Gene travels into the city and into the store, which is named The Store. When he enters the store, he notices Jailbreak making a castle out of the toilet paper, and was sitting on the top of it. She spots Gene almost immediately and slides down.

"Gene! My sewing circle finished."

"We should buy this toilet paper."

"Yeah, I wanted to say it because it was my idea. You know, women are always coming up with stuff that men are taking credit for."

They make a purchase and go back to the apartment.


	5. Toilet Paper

Gene and Jailbreak skipped merrily back to the apartment while singing _Skip to the Loo_. It was 'their song' because _loo_ also meant _bathroom_, and they would both sing it while skipping into the bathroom to take a massive dump. While skipping up to the apartment, all of the tenants didn't bat an eyelid because this happened so regularly nobody ever noticed anymore. They had to take the stairs all the way up to their third story room because all the toilet paper they were carrying surpassed the weight limit of the elevators. When they (finally) arrived at their home, there was a letter taped to the door.

_Meet me in the Loser Lounge in 24 hours. ~ Hi-Five._

Gene took the note off the door and set it on the table when he got inside. Jailbreak puts HEAPS of toilet paper on the apartment floor. There was so much that you couldn't see from one side of the apartment to the other. Gene and Jailbreak had pooled over $400 for the money. Jailbreak was ecstatic.

"I finally have enough toilet paper to take a single dump!" Jailbreak exclaimed. After saying that, she took 20 rolls of toilet paper and ran into the bathroom, sealing the door closed with Flex Seal to make sure the toxic radioactive fumes of her feces didn't escape the room until it was safe enough to support life again, approximately 12 hours after the dump was flushed. Scientists in the area declared her feces more radioactive and dangerous than the Chernobyl exclusion zone, and used her poopoo while testing new nuclear and atomic bombs. There was an incident once where a schoolboy used the scent from Jailbreak's poopoo to make a stink bomb and when he threw it at some kid, they died, causing a lawsuit against Jailbreak and the schoolboy.

Meanwhile, Gene whips out his flip phone and adds Poop to his contact list. Poop accepts it within 10 seconds, with his first text to Gene soon following.

Poop: hey i just took a huge crap, wanna see? ;)

Gene: oh but of course!

Poop: (x1) Image Attached.

Gene: Ive never seen such a giant accident!~ 3

Jailbreak then burst out of the bathroom. "Geney baby? I forgot to wipe, would you like to lick it clean?" Jailbreak yelped.

"I would love to but I have to.. uh.. send a fax to Cleveland, if you know what I mean." Gene responded. Gene then walked over to a fax machine on the other side of the room and proceeded to type out a fax, which he then sent to Cleveland. The fax machine gave him noises of approval, signalling that the fax had been successfully received in Cleveland. Jailbreak enters the kitchen and wipes her ass with flaming sandpaper and paper towels, having used all the toilet paper she brought into the bathroom. Gene's phone loudly rang his ringtone.

_Flint, you have a call, Flint you have a call..._

"Why is that your ringtone, your name isn't even Flint."

"It's just a telemarketer."

"With a custom ringtone?"

"Yes. It's a good idea to put custom ringtones on telemarketers, so you always know which one is calling you."

"Yeah, I wanted to say it because it was my idea. You know, women are always coming up with stuff men are taking credit for."

"Oh, actually it's from Hi-Five."

"But he doesn't have cell service."

"How do _you_ know?"

Before Jailbreak could answer, the fax machine made noises indicating he had received a fax from Cleveland. He frolicked over to the machine to read the message.

_Mr. Meh,_

_Please stop faxxing this number with detailed descriptions of the fecal matter you saw on Rate My Poop._

_Sincerely, the City of Cleveland._

Gene was upset, now that he had nobody to discuss the shits he saw with. Jailbreak goes into the kitchen, disinterested with answering Gene on how she knows about Hi-Five's cell service. Gene sends a text back to Poop, who asks him to meet him in Downtown Browntown. Poop was set to give a speech there in about 20 minutes. Poop requested that Gene don his gayest apparel, so Gene flew up the stairs like the birds in Aunt Dawn's basement and into his room to don his gay apparel. He put on a big horizontal rainbow shirt, gay pride flagged foot bags, and gay pride flagged foot boxes. He exited the house stealthily, as not to let Jailbreak notice.

While walking down the street towards Downtown Browntown, a figure pulls up next to Gene in an expensive looking car.

"Hello, Gene."

"Bill Cosby?"

"Thank you for taking my lovely children to the pool. Allow me to take you to Downtown Browntown!"

"How did you know I was going there?"

"Oh, I didn't, it's just that I was going there anyways."

Bill Cosby drove Gene to Downtown Browntown and vanished into the crowd of people awaiting Poop's speech. When Gene arrived, Poop spotted him immediately because of his bright gay apparel, and strolled up to him.

"Looking handsome as ever, Gene." Just then, a giant camera focused on Gene and Poop. They had been caught on the Kiss Cam, and were legally obligated to smooch each other. Thus, they smooched each other _just as _passionately as when ratface smooch don. Poop traveled to the stage and spoke into the microphone.

"When shit happens, turn it into fertilizer. My favorite quote by Kute Blackson, which he said to his cute black son. Just doing my duty. Not _too_ soft, I hope. I know it was an accident, we all have accidents. I think you're making too much stink out of all this. What do we do after we go potty? We're number two! We're number two! Oh shit!" Poop concluded his wonderful heartfelt speech.

Everyone in the audience applauds.


End file.
